Gillian's Place - staying safe

If you’re in an abusive relationship, you need to plan ahead for your safety. You also need to plan ahead for the safety of your children.

Here are tips to help protect you and your children from future instances of abuse if you are still living in the abusive situation:

Create a personalized Emergency Escape Plan that lays out exactly what you would do and where you’d go if the abuse got violent.
Create a similar plan for each of your children and review it with them one-on-one. Teach them how to use the telephone to call for help and what code word you would use to signal them to call. Make sure they know not to answer the door without you.
Create a list of telephone numbers you might need in an emergency (e.g., police and our telephone number, 905-684-8331). Always have change for a pay phone and $10-$15 for taxi fare on hand.
Create a list of safe places you and your children could go in an emergency (e.g., the home of a family member or friend or our shelter).
Store clothing, money, important documents (or copies), house and car keys, toys for the children, etc. at the home of a family member or friend.
Keep all of your identification cards in your wallet or other safe place.
Open your own bank account at a bank different from the one the abuser uses. Arrange for calls and bank statements to go to a friend or family member, not to your home.
Save as much money as you can for emergency use – from your grocery budget if necessary.
Be aware of any weapons, including kitchen knives, in the home.
Ask trusted neighbours to call police if they hear fighting or screaming. If your partner no longer lives with you, ask them to call police if they see him in your neighbourhood or near your children.

If you are living apart from an abusive partner:

Change the locks and install a peephole in the door as well as home security and outdoor lighting systems. Make sure smoke detectors are in place and working.
Have your telephone number unpublished and dial *67 before dialing out to block your number.
Consider getting a cell phone and have a cordless phone in the house.
If you have a restraining order, keep it near you at all times.
Make sure your school, police and daycare contacts have a copy of all court documents including restraining orders and custody/access orders. Tell your childcare providers who has permission to pick your children up.
Tell someone you trust at work about your situation and ask for all calls to be screened.
Stay away from places the abuser is likely to go (e.g., stores, banks, bars, etc.)
Consider creating a safety plan for your pets.

Internet safety
When sending sensitive emails or visiting websites such as this one, use a public computer if possible—for example, at a public library, school or internet café. Or, use a computer at the home of a trusted family member or friend.

If you are using your home computer and share it with other individuals or family members, you may want to remove any reference to your visit to this site. The following instructions tell you how to do just that.

PC Windows - for Internet Explorer users
(before closing the browser)
Step 1 : Select the Tools in the menu bar. Open the Internet Options Dialog Box and select the General Tab.
Step 2 : In the Temporary Internet Files, click Delete Files. Check the "Delete all offline content" and click OK.
Step 3 : In the History, click Clear History.
Step 4 : In Temporary Internet Files, click Delete Cookies and then OK.
Step 5 : Click OK to exit the Internet Options Dialog Box.

PC Windows - for Netscape users
(before closing the browser)
Step 1 : Select the Edit in the menu bar, then select the Preference.
Step 2 : Under the Category, select Navigator. Then click Clear History as well as Clear Location Bar.
Step 3 : Under Privacy & Security, select Cookies. Then click View Stored Cookies. Lastly, click Remove All Cookies.
Step 4 : Under the Category, select Cache under Advanced. First click the Clear Memory Cache followed by the Clear Disk Cache.

PC Windows - for all
(right click the mouse on the Start at the bottom of the menu bar, select Explore)
Step 1 : Select Windows in the C drive.
Step 2 : Open the Temporary Internet Files Folders. Select all the files inside this folder and delete.
Step 3 : Open the History folder (e.g. c:\windows\history\today in Win 98), select all the files inside this folder and delete.
Step 4 : Open the Cookies folder (e.g. c:\windows\cookies in Win 98), select all the files inside this folder and delete.
Step 5 : Disable the AutoComplete in the windows and/or browser options.
Step 6 : Finally, after completed the above deletions, you should also empty the recycle bin.

PC Windows - Mozilla Firefox
(before closing the browser)
Step 1 : Select the Tools in the menu bar, then select the Options.
Step 2: Click on the "Privacy" Option, with the picture of a padlock.
Step 3: Select the "History" tab. Click on "Clear Browsing History Now".
Step 4: Select the "Cache" tab. Click on "Clear Cache Now".
Step 5: Click "OK" to exit the Options dialogue box.

Mac - Safari
(before closing the browser)
Step 1 : Go to "history" tab on the main menu.
Step 2: Scroll down to "clear history".

Mac - Firefox
(before closing the browser)
Step 1 : Go to "preferences" under the "Firefox" tab in main menu.
Step 2: Click on "Privacy" tab then go to the "Private Data" section on the bottom.
Step 3: Click "Clear Now".

Mac - Netscape
(before closing the browser)
Step 1 : Go to "Edit" menu and select "Preferences".
Step 2: Select "Navigator" under the "Category" listing.
Step 3: Select "Clear History" in the "History" area.
Step 4: Click "OK" to erase history.

REMEMBER - A partner can often tell when a woman makes up her mind to stop the abuse. Do not underestimate your partner – cover your internet tracks!

For more information on internet safety, including steps that may prevent someone from reading your emails or finding out which websites you’ve visited on your home computer, click here.

How to create a personalized safety plan
For instructions on how to create a personalized Safety Plan, including Emergency Escape Plan, Emotional Safety Plan and Child Safety Plan, click here to download a pdf booklet. This link also provides tips for what to do during a violent incident and how to increase the safety of your home, neighbourhood and workplace. To download this booklet in other languages, click here.

Remember, you can’t do it all at once. One step at a time, one day at a time, you will become more and more safety conscious, more and more risk-aware. Also remember you are not alone. We are always just a telephone call away at 905-684-8331.

There is help. There is hope. There is a future.